If you have experienced a painful breakup, being cheated by somebody else, or maybe you were expecting love from that person but he never gave you love the way you wanted? – you are part of the 95% of the population in this planet that came here to this life to learn and reconnect with the real-life purpose we all have: TO RECONNECT AND PRACTICE REAL LOVE.
This article is based on my 37 years of life experience. So far so good. I think I had experienced all kinds of love. Family love, animals love, plants love, conditional love, sick love, painful love, and unconditional love. I also experience the opposite of love, that is ….(Fill in the blank). Some of us call hate? Can be sadness, anger, judgment, etc. Depends on how you are now and what is your body+mind+soul state at this point in your life.
For those who are very logical and love to think and think, this may not be for you. Love is abstract, is wide, is beautiful. If you want to find the logic for it, you are minimizing it, you are losing the big scope and magic. LOVE Is like a glue that keeps us together, is beyond science, is beyond your narrow mind. So, no need to read this. But if you have been suffering because of love and finally want to start to use your heart to understand, this wisdom I will share here will help you.
I am not the owner of the truth, the truth about love exist already everywhere. I am collecting some concepts I learned plus the experience of my life. What I share here doesn’t mean is right or wrong. Is just my journey.
KINDS OF LOVE
There are only 4 kinds of love, each of them can be manifested in many ways. We can label them in many ways, but in the end, there are just a few to understand that will allow us to raise our awareness and support our spiritual growth.
1- CONDITIONAL LOVE
Have you ever heard yourself saying:
“I love you IF you love me?” Or maybe: “He doesn’t love me the way I want!”
Or, “why don’t you love me?” “I wish He change (so I will love him)”
Maybe there are some “pre-requirements” to fall “in love” such as:
“The man I want to find to love must have a (fill in the blank), a (fill in the blank), and a (fill in the blank)”
“I WANT him to be (fill in the blank)”
OR maybe there are some “post-requirements” once you are already in the relationship, such as:
“I love him but (fill in the blank)”
“I think he doesn’t love me because we are not having (fill in the blank)”
“I want him to be more (fill in the blank)”
This kind of love has conditions. Is a TRANSACTION. Usually, if there is no agreement and the transactions are not successfully accomplished, the result is less love, the love is going down, or no love.
CONDITIONAL LOVE is practiced by most of the humans in this life on this planet. I learned this and practice this since I was a kid. I saw there was a lot of struggle in the relationships within my family, friends and on TV. So, I thought CONDITIONAL LOVE was something normal. But is not.
CONDITIONAL LOVE is connected to what in psychology we said the ATTACHMENT BEHAVIOR. Sometimes we really depend on somebody else to feel loved. There is nothing wrong or bad with this. We all have love and want love, is beautiful. The problem comes when you don’t have this person to love you in the way you want, then your energies start to go down, feel that you don’t deserve love, feel empty, lost, fears come, get anxious, depressed, and so on.
Yes, the kind of love most of us practice, CONDITIONAL LOVE, is the most painful one. But is painful because of a reason: TO SHAKE YOUR LIFE, TO HELP YOU TO WAKE UP and see there are other kinds of love and ways to express love much better and fulfilling than this kind of love.
Please answer these questions with the first thing that comes into your mind:
1) As a CONDITIONAL LOVE practitioner, for how many years have you been mastering this art of conditional love?
2) From where and from who did you learn about CONDITIONAL LOVE?
2- UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Wow, so many people talk about this, but I’m sure just a few can really BE it. It is not because only the “chosen ones” can do it. It is more because we are so used to the CONDITIONAL LOVE, we have been mastering it for so many years. We have been wearing blindfolds and masks to attract CONDITIONAL LOVE from others that are very hard to break the patterns and shift into the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Most of us need to pass through the CONDITIONAL LOVE to understand the unconditional one. Some of these examples of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE comes from our moms. Mother’s love (most of them) reflects this kind of wonderful love. Deep inside they love their kids no matter what. Maybe some mothers don’t express it in the way kids will want but is there. No matter what the kid does, grows ugly or pretty, smart or stupid, this strong love connection between mom and kid will always be there. Is how beautiful women are designed.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, or REAL LOVE like I call it, is the kind of love that holds this universe. Is a divine virtue. It comes from GOD/UNIVERSE/LIFE, or whatever you want to call this higher energy. We come from this higher energy, and we are UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Is the essence of our peaceful soul incarnated in the human bodies.
Like the name said UN-CONDITIONAL, means no condition. You give love from your heart, and you are happy. You don’t need for somebody else to love you back. It doesn’t work in that way. Comes from inside to outside and embrace every single life form on earth starting from yourself.
Because of the nature of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, our nature, we are not waiting for things to happen. There are no expectations (expectations are always in the future and create anxiety). Everything is in the PRESENT TIME. You love now, you feel it, you are peaceful and happy now. It doesn’t work in the past, past is already an illusion, is not real anymore.
Hard to reach it? Maybe. Just 3 years ago I totally believed that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE doesn’t exist. I saw so much pain around me, I experienced a lot of pain in my relationship that I was totally blind. If you don’t react because of the pain, if this pain in the shape of a heavy blindfold doesn’t make you feel tired enough and want you to throw it away, you will never have a chance to experience UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Another thing I learned and is part of the reason why I am writing articles and helping women to understand how life works. Pain is just one way to learn. We don’t need to experience pain to learn, we can start to understand better about LOVE, we (men and women) can start to realize in an earlier stage, what are your options, and which one is better for you. Pain will always be there, you decide how much you want to take.
This is a combination of both. Depend on the situation and will be ruled by your emotions. Sometimes is not healthy to love and not love or add some conditions to the relationships and next day just give up. One day you are 100% lovely, next day you want to kill each other. It may be no so healthy for both in the relationship. This kind of love is also well practiced by many of us. Like I said, emotions rule this kind of love and emotions sometimes are like a roller castle.
You may experience glimpses of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, be aware of them, cherish them. Understand what triggers these moments and try your best to recreate them so you can keep mastering this wonderful and powerful energy.
SELF-LOVE is the key to understand UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Period. There is nothing else to say about how to start to explore and live UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. You must start with yourself.
The women got pregnant. The man runs away. The women face a challenge to decide what to do with the baby. She decides to have it and move on as a single mom. What kind of LOVE is she practicing here?
She is allowing LIVE to come to this earth through her. Is a beautiful gesture of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The new soul will incarnate on earth through her. She comes first. She decided, she will hold the baby for a few months, she will be the gate of this new life. This is SELF-LOVE. Disregarding the conditions, knowledge or environment she is facing this situation, she put herself first to take control of her life, then the life of the baby.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE starts with yourself. SELF-LOVE is the first step for UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Is easier to start in this way. Start to take care more of yourself. And is not only what you eat, or if you do or not exercise. It is about what you listen, what you see, what you eat, how you think, who you talk to, where you put yourself, what kind of experiences are you facing in life, etc.
Judgment, Criticism, laziness, hatred, pity, guilt, shame, etc, are poisons. Even if you do it inside your head, your heart is taking all this poison you are giving to yourself. Be aware and stop doing this. Think and feel about the opposite. What is the opposite of being judging people? What is the opposite of being a hard critic? What is the opposite of feeling guilty? Use this “opposites” and practice. Train your mind and make it works for you.
There is something we need to consider too. When is enough pain? How much pain I should receive from my couple? If I am practicing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, should I accept and take the emotional breakdowns and abuse from my man? Try to see yourself and answer this using the SELF-LOVE concept.
If you have a little SELF-LOVE, you won’t allow abuse from your couple. I know this is a very sensitive topic, just try to see it from a new point of view. The thing is most of us, again, are used to think and feel in ONE WAY ONLY. This may be the way you think with the blindfolds. SELF-LOVE will help you to take out the blindfolds. You will know when is ENOUGH and move out that toxic relationship or situation. Can be an intimate relationship, can be a dad-daughter relationship, can be a boss-employee relationship, can be that you are a non-smoker and somebody is smoking around you, any. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and decide what is the best for you. Pain is not the way.
I can say I am lucky enough (lucky= the preparation meets the opportunity) to taste unconditional love.
I was learning about myself, about human behavior, spiritual wisdom and many other Live’s practical knowledge, for more than 6 years already. I was trying to understand what was wrong with me, what was wrong with my wife, and how I can help us to put ourselves in the same place. That’s the preparation part. Then I face pain, sorrow, sadness, in a big time. I had no choice, I understood this pain was created by me and was inside me. The only way to let that go was to LOVE instead of being AFRAID and HATE. That was my opportunity to practice. Sometimes I used to HATE my sweet mirror (the person that reflected that pain inside me) then I was able to LOVE my mirror. I said inside myself: Thank you for showing me this. I love you, and I will always do. The pain vanished.
I am still practicing this. The inner transformation won’t come in one minute. We may change the way we think in a short period of time, but those old limiting beliefs, those all negative habits, requires time, patience and practice to transform them.
START TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND NOW. And the most important, PRACTICE WHAT YOU LEARN.
“REAL LOVE has no conditions, is free, detached, universal, powerful, transformative, healer, and is our essence. We are unconditional love, and we will always win” – Angelo-
Do it for yourself, you deserve it!
NEW MINDSET NEW LIFE!