Well, I have been 9 years in a relationship, I have married already 6 years, and I am very grateful of this, why? Because to be married is a 24/7 training about relationships! And thanks to my struggles and pain in my intimate relationship and work-related relationships, I started to go into a deep self-discovery process to figure out what was wrong with me.
One of the best information that helped me in the process and still gives me support every day, is what I learned from John Gray in his book Man are from Mars Women from Venus. But to read this was not enough, I must use it and test it, then create awareness, understand, take action, practice, and then see results.
I will state what I always said: We suffer because we want, period! Why do I say this? Because we think we know all, or we think we can learn “on the way” but is not true. I was there very deep, I know how it feels, and I am still learning and healing my wounds. There is something to consider, there are 3 paths to learn and grow:
1) Conscious learning (When you are in control and decide what to learn and experience)
2) Random learning (When you are part of the mass and just follow what is happening around)
3) Painful learning (When you are lost, hurting people and hurting yourself)
Each of them have multiple options, so pain is ONE WAY, ONE OPTION ONLY and please, I don’t mean you can live a painless life, or no failures, what I mean is there are OPTIONS, and for sure there are more positive options with less or no pain, then the painful ones.
THE KEY IS LEARNING.
We stop learning since we cross the university door after we got our diploma, some of us go for MBA and PhDs but those will never teach you the other side of life. How to understand yourself, how to increase this higher awareness, how to balance your life, how to reconnect with your higher purpose, etc.
So here is a piece that will be useful for you FOR SURE! Or at least will give you an AHA moment to encourage you to go and learn more about this topic. At the end, everything is in your hands!
THE WAVES AND SEASONS by AC
Waves are the ups and downs of life, we all have, people have, business have, economies have, the weather has, it’s how life is designed. You don’t need to like it, but at least learn about it!
1- THE BASICS
Waves are LOVE, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS
Wave’s peak (highest) means tons of love, care, compassion, happiness, acceptance,
tolerance, understanding.
Wave’s bottom (lowest) means hate, anger, resentment, rejection, loneliness, turmoil,
judgment, expectations.
2- Ups, Downs, and Between
A Wave’s behavior is unpredictable. It will move up and down according to the inner game, men and women features; and will be influenced by the environment.
The frequency of the oscillations tends to be higher on women’s wave, this is because their essence of expressing feelings and nurturing nature.
When both, the man and the woman are in the PEAK, everything is PEACE AND LOVE! When both are in the BOTTON, you need to GET READY FOR WAR!
When one of you is up, and the other is down, it’s time to support each other – SUPPORT NEEDED. This can be reached only by learning and experiencing. In this moment of the relationships, UNDERSTANDING, TOLERANCE, ACCEPTANCE, play a key role for succeeding this stage
3- The WELL and The CAVE
When Women feel “down” they are going down in the WELL. A woman in the bottom of the wave is inside her WELL recovering and getting ready to go UP!
When Men feel “down” is because there is a problem to solve. They are going inside the CAVE to solve the problem. Once He find the solution, He will be ready to go out!
IMPORTANT: Both, THE WELL and THE CAVE are natural processes part of being humans. The interruption of this process, or the lack of awareness of this, may bring serious damage to the relationship.
4- SEASONS OF LOVE
Based on the same logic we learned previously, we can talk about LOVE.
LOVE have seasons, and we can identify some of them when they are very obvious, been the key to understand all of them and learn how to manage yourself in each season.
THE SPRING OF LOVE starts when people meet and fall in love. We show “the flower”, means the best of us, and we are totally lovable, open and happy.
Then, one of them (or both) started to feel something is not going well. You start to put more efforts to “achieve” something in the relationship. FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt) come out to shake the relationship. This season when we need to work harder is called THE SUMMER OF LOVE. The “weather” is hot, hard to work outside, need to learn how.
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One of the members of the lovely couple may face more serious struggle, deeper fears, and doubts. Here is when one person in the relationship wants to quit. This is THE FALL OF LOVE.
The relationship is on the edge ready to jump into the single life again. In the fall is when your patient, emotions management, your understanding of the relationship, and your self-understanding start to awake. A lot of WHYs…better go and find the answers.
The love, emotions, and feelings keep dropping until they reach the
bottom and this is called THE WINTER OF LOVE.
Here is when people break up, without realizing that this is not the end. Some people will “think” there is no more love, but maybe was just a misunderstanding. Even a big issue or temptation can be part of the big process of LEARNING HOW TO LOVE, but yes, not everybody is ready to manage this.
Waves are the ups and downs of life, we all have, people have, business have, economies have, the weather has, it’s how life is designed.
After we pass through THE WINTER, there is always A NEW SPRING, and here is the key for you to understand:
If you learn something from the previous SEASONS OF LOVE (your first spring, summer, fall, winter) Your NEW SPRING and subsequent seasons will be easier to handle and more rewarding! Is a learning-practicing process.
There will be always NEW SPRINGS, and they will be BIGGER AND BRIGHTER only for those who experience the full cycles of life. Like it or not, MAN and WOMAN have different features, different internal representations, and different wonderful designs. Be curious, explore and understand the wonders of been HUMANS.
By AC
Special thanks to my masters: John Gray, Jim Rohn, and Beth Buelow
About the author: AC
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